Halloween 2011

Pumpkin Carving 2011

My new baby<3 
One day old.

…this picture is for those who said I would look flawless in labor… hahahaha and for myself when I said I’d wear heels on the delivery table.

MY BIRTH STORY:

I woke up at 4:00 a.m. on September 28th with the first uncomfortable contraction that I felt during my entire pregnancy. I fell back asleep and my friend Chelsie came and picked me up to go to the gym around 10. I walked on the treadmill on max incline, went crazy on the stairmaster, pedalled the stationary bike, did about a half hour of abs and obliques (2 hour work out) and went home to nap and Chelsie left for her hair appt.
I had an in and out nap from about 1-2 and started timing contractions at about 3ishp.m. for fun, they were 7 minutes apart but decently strong. Chelsie showed back up unexpectedly to show me her new hair and I got really stressed. I didn’t want her knowing I was in labor because I knew she’d make me nervous (even though I didn’t want to admit I could be in labor) I didn’t quite know how to say “Get the fuck out.” nicely so I asked her to clean my kitchen instead. Haha She DID (love you Chels) and then James got home. Chelsie got a call from her boyfriend and left to meet him. I didn’t eat anything for dinner… but I made James chicken breast, corn, and a salad… Suddenly I decided I was going to die without rice krispie treats so we went down the street to Fred Meyer for butter, marshmallows and rice krispies. I had two contractions in Fred Meyer that I walked through and held on to James’ arm for. James said “See?! You can just walk em off!” I was like “No, Baby, I’m just walking as they’re happening…” When we were driving home I had my knees on the passenger seat and my face buried in the head rest. I turned to James and said “What if I’m not in labor?” He said he didn’t think I was and I said it was fine if I wasn’t I couldn’t survive feeling like I was because when I DID go into labor I’d have no energy. I could not have slept through that. It wasn’t painful but they were distracting. We got back home and I made my treats and ate half the entire batch by myself. They made me almost puke because I was so stuffed full of them. At 5 the contractions were 5 minutes apart and lasted about 45 seconds. I told nobody I was in labor. I got in the bath at 7 and my dad called me. He asked how I was feeling and we talked for a couple minutes. I felt a contraction coming so I said “Gotta poop, call you later.” and hung up. I didn’t want anyone worrying about me or calling to check in or even worse COMING TO MY HOUSE to make sure I wasn’t dying. Later he put two and two together when I told him how long I was in labor and he called me an asshole for not telling him. Sorry! This was mine and James’ special and private, intimate time. James came upstairs to see how I was doing in my bath and I told him my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart. He said “Do you think we’re gonna have a beebee tonight!?” I said “Well, I don’t think we will before midnight. (Baby was born at 1:45 a.m.) He laughed and said “I’m gonna fill the birth pool!” I was thinking ‘omg no, fill that pool and it’s really time.’ So I told him not to for about an hour but then he convinced me to let him fill the pool when I started to moan and he did so. I was moaning the same way I would during sex. It was mostly just something to do for contractions instead of just sit there in silence as mother nature took ahold of me. I wish I could have been calmly silent and relaxed during contractions but I felt like I wanted to give myself something to DO, maybe so I could feel more in control. James tried to feed me another rice krispie for compensation for the pain. I was like “Get that shit away from me. My treats are coming back up in a few hours anyway…” It took about… hm, I have no idea how long it took him to get the tub filled and at the right temperature. Time was getting strange at that moment. I didn’t go back to normal for me again for about 2 days. I went into a trance. It was awesome. But REALLY strange. Seemed maybe 45 minutes? I got out of the bath and started down the stairs and ended up kneeling naked on the stairs for a few contractions. He had Mazzy Star playing. It was my labor soundtrack up until he was born. Best call on music. I went all the way downstairs. He had 9 out of my 9 Pumpkin Spice candles burning. I got in the birth pool that was 102°. …He had a water thermometer set up. (He was really proud of the birth pool contraption he made for his wife’s birth.) I usually like the water at about 104°-106° when I would get in the hottub at James’ work but 102° felt scalding to me. He got it down to about 100° by adding cool water (he hooked up a hose from the kitchen sink: birth pool replaced my dining room table.) I was in there for about an hour until I felt overheated. I got out, laid on the couch that was pulled out to a bed, and sweated as James wiped my buttass naked body down with cold washcloths. I was shaking. James told me to relax. I stopped shaking. It was strange. I was like a zombie, but I liked it. When I was laying there I started saying “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.” because I was thinking “Fokk, get me an epidural and some shots cause I’m just too damn tired.” Never once did I think “The pain is too much to bear!” I just thought “Give me 5 naps or give me death!” After that I sat on the toilet and leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. Then I got off the toilet and laid on the floor. James laid about 5 feet from me He said “I’m going to leave you alone. Whatever you need I’ll get you.” I said “You’re doing perfect, thank you.” Laboring on my own was the best and easiest way to tolerate and manage the discomfort. Women don’t need a coach or anyone ‘helping’ them through the pain. Yes, a slave would be helpful for cold water, warming the tub, helping to move you when you’re tired, getting you a puke bowl, etc. But as for pain management, I was my own best friend for that one. I felt my rice krispies wanting to be out of my body and I asked for a barf bowl. I said “I don’t wanna see tha barf!” and tried to not vomit for a bit. James laid the bowl by me and scooted away. I was still laying outside the bathroom at this point. I just laid there and let my birth happen, just relaxed and waited. I started to feel nauseated and puked in the bowl, closed my eyes and James took the bowl away so I didn’t see it. Screamed for the bowl again, puked again, and decided it was time to be in the tub. Got back in the pool after the puke fest. I told James that I read that people vomit at the end. He was excited to hear that. I said allowed “This fokkin baybay better wanna sleep when he comes out.” James laid on the pull out couch and fell asleep.
I was thinking in my head “Hell yeah, I’m really doing what I wanted to do. The haters that said I couldn’t do it will be so disappointed when I have a strong, healthy, undrugged baby and that I didn’t get rushed to the hospital because “What if something goes wrong?!” I am so proud of myself at this moment. I just sat in the water and labored. Started to feel like I had to poop, tried to poop in the pool (sorry, shouldn’t have read this, huh.) and realized I didn’t have to poop, I was just feeling contraction relief from pushing. I pushed, but with about 10% effort for around 20 minutes and… Screamed ‘HOLY SHIT! and James woke up saying “You gotta baby?!” I said “No! My water broke! That was TIGHT! I forgot that happens.” I told James water usually breaks 80% through labor and I told him we would have a baby in an hour or so. I had maybe 5 contractions after my water broke and started feeling like I needed to poop… the baby out. It literally just feels like you’re taking a big dump and pushing was the easiest thing ever. Or maybe better said… most natural thing ever. I could feel the baby’s head, squishy and his scalp made a weird mohawk shape. I could feel his hair. It felt like algae under water. I started making this Tarzan-ass grunting noise that sounded like a full grown man sitting on the toilet after a night of tacos and tequila. I was floating on my back, pushing and James really wanted to turn on the lights. I let him for a second and he said he could see his hair. He said his hair was dark. We expected blonde hair. The lights were blinding me so I told him to turn them off and he didn’t want to, but did. I told him I’d warn him before he came out so he could see. He called me a tease. He went and got the camera and took a few pictures. I did my make up when I knew I was having him but the WATER aspect of the birth ruined everything. The picture he got is repulsive and hilarious. Sums up the north perfectly. My make up and hair is saying WTF but my expression is saying IT’S STILL ALRIGHT. I pushed for about 40 minutes (just to relieve pain and to move him down, but didn’t feel ready to let him out) while on my back. My knees automatically wanted to spread apart but my toes wanted to touch each other. Afterward I decided to get serious and maybe try to feel what it was like to have him REALLY start to crown. I got in a leaned forward squat position and pushed with 50% strength. This entire time he was moving down, and up, down and up, down and up, tons of times. Felt like two steps forward, one step back. It made it so easy how gradual it was.
At 1a.m… I started to push. Actually PUSH the baby out. I touched my crotch and thought in my head “Goodbye, you were a good vagina.” and leaned my forhead on the side of the tub and pushed. James asked how many more contractions til his head was out. (“Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”) I told him 5. When 4 passed, I said 4 more, when 3 passed I said 3 more. 2 more passed and I told him to turn on the light because I could feel his head crowning. For 45 minutes he would move down and up, down and up. I’ve talked to a few people and the same thing happened to them. Their body moved their baby up and down and the doctor ordered a suction cup for their head… vacuum extraction. Thank God I wasn’t in a hospital. Abel could have been sucked out of me. What a horrible and traumatic experience that would have been for me. The people that went through vacuum extraction were shocked when I told them he moved up and down and that he came out without someone almost ripping his scalp off. I started pushing with 75% effort. The pushing was identical to pooping. I seriously pooped my baby out. For the last hour, I had been making a grunting noise. I counted my pushes out loud. I pushed about 6 times per contraction. If I would have had to push one long push per contraction like they do in hospitals, I know for a fact my vagina would have ripped to my ass. When I was pushing, there was a time that it literally felt good, like the feeling you get when you’re going to have an orgasm but then your husband is like “Position switch!” and you lose it. I told James to turn on the light. The only time it hurt was when his eyebrows passed through and I screamed “OWIEEE!” but then his whole head came out. James said “I can see his face!” I asked if he was cute and he said “Yes! He’s MEEE!” He said he had big lips and I was so relieved that he didn’t have my bird lips. I just let his head sit there while I took a few breaths and then pushed his body out with no contraction to help me. James said one shoulder came out and then the rest of him came out immediately and quickly. James picked him up out of the water. We didn’t cry. We were in awe. Abel breathed immediately but didn’t cry. He cleared his throat and then whined because he was cold. James lowered him back into the water and he was happy again. I immediately stood up and turned around. I took my baby in my arms and held him as James got string to tie his umbilical cord and sanitized scissors. I didn’t look at him much. My head was hanging backwards and I just kept asking James if his face was above water. 20 minutes passed as we let the placenta pump blood into him. James tied off his cord 2 inches from his body and cut it. It bled a little into the water and James wrapped him in a baby blanket all wet. He wrapped our new throw blanket around him even though we had a big basket of towels and blankets prepared. I sat in the tub and waited to cramp or contract. Waited for my body to tell me to deliver the placenta. Daddy and Abel snuggled on the couch for 40 minutes. I made phone calls to our parents. A month earlier I watched my aunt give birth and she delivered the placenta within 10 minutes. It’s normal for them to take up to 24 hours but since I saw something else happen I wanted it out of me. I grabbed the cord and pulled it out of me as I pushed. This is really bad to do. I could have ripped it and left pieces of it in me causing infection. I will not do this next time, but I wasn’t prepared for it to take longer than 40 minutes. I called my doula (birth assistant) and she asked “Are you in labor?!” I said “Nope!” and she said “Oh, what’s up!?” (2:30a.m.) I said “I just had a little baby!” She laughed and said “What?!” So I said “I’m all bloody, bring me a big fat diaper!” So she said Ok and headed over. My mom arrived 5 minutes after my aunt (who was my doula). My aunt examined my placenta and taught James what to look for to make sure all the pieces were there. It was all in tact. My aunt said we should check to make sure I didn’t rip. I told her I didn’t want to cause I felt fine. So we weighed my giant baby and found he was 8 pounds 9 ounces. When I saw how he drug the scale down my eyes got huge. He felt heavy in my arms but it was now confirmed he was our baby moose. My aunt said again that we should check my vajine for tearing. I said Okay just to shut her up. She checked and she said she thought she saw a tear but she thought maybe that’s just how my crotch was so I looked and was squawking “OMG MY VAGINA OMG!!!” so she said we should go to the hospital. My crotch didn’t hurt at all. I was cramping the excess blood out but I decided to stay home for two hours to hold and nurse my sweet baby.
I went to the hospital and left my baby with my mom. I wasn’t about to just dodge the risk of an unassisted home birth and then risk all the dirty germs of a hospital, too. He slept on her chest the whole time. Never cried or fussed. Then, a horrible, judgmental, p.o.s. male doctor that had a male student come in without permission, that said things like “I bet your baby is home crying and screaming.”; more pain than I have ever experienced (and I just went through natural childbirth) and 6 hours later… I was discharged. 7 days later I realized he didn’t even fix the main problem I was concerned about and I’m healing naturally, even though I had to go through that traumatizing, fucked up experience. It was such a sad ending to such a successful birth.
All in all I am so happy and SO DAMN PROUD of myself for sticking to the plan that I felt was best for my body and baby. My doctor said “Wow, he’s so alert for 30 hours old! But I guess I don’t see many drug free babies anymore.”
I also want people to know natural childbirth is able to be done! When I was in labor I was thinking how do-able, tolerable, and manageable the pain is. I can’t say that if I went to a hospital I’d be able to manage my own pain. I had to be completely stress free and I see a hospital and their staff as stress inducing. When I was in transition (the most ‘painful’ part of labor, when you’re contractions turn from dilating your cervix to pushing out the baby) I thought “Just give me a C Section!” because I was so sleepy. I have the lowest pain tolerance in the world. When I stub my toe I curse the Gods and cry, when I would get hit with a dodgeball in middle school I would tell my teacher I refused to play because it hurt so bad, when I had menstrual cramps from hell because of my IUD I would bury my head in a pillow and think… “I could never do natural labor.” When it comes time to birth your baby, you go into a completely different state of mind. WOMAN POWER takes over and if you’re left to be strong and independent, with a good support system from your husband or birth assistant, and others are not invited into your birthing time that think it miiiight be a good idea to drug you because “You might as well not be in pain.”…then you can do it! And you Should do it if you want to.
My birth was the most rewarding experience. Not only because I got a healthy, strong, unstressed, alert newborn… but because my birth experience was EMPOWERING and NATURAL and I was able to experience the birth nature intended for me. It was so perfect for me, perfect for my body, and perfect for my baby.

Here’s a list I wrote right before… and then finished after he was born, so I didn’t forget all the reasons I wanted to do this in the first place:

Reasons for Staying Home

I had peace, I had freedom, I had complete control during my birthing time. I had privacy for intimacy and bonding with my husband. I was able to relax because there were never nurses barging in and running out of my room. I was able to sprawl out naked when I wanted without feeling exposed to doctors or nurses, or cover up in my own fat fluffy blanket when I wanted. I never had an I.V. I wasn’t constantly monitered by machines. I was able to trust my baby, my body, and nature completely. I wasn’t alarmed by every wave of activity/inactivity or fluctuation of my baby’s heart rate. I was able to remain confident in how things were progressing in my birth. I didn’t have anyone giving me internal exams every hour or two. I was able to progress just as my body was supposed to.
Nobody was able to rush me. Nobody EVER told me what to do. I was able to dig into my own primal mama monkey instincts and direct my own birth. I was not accompanied by people that do not love me or love my baby. When my baby came out he took his first breath in his Daddy’s arms, not suspended in the air by gloved hands, screaming that desperate, loud, afraid scream that I can’t stand. Bright lights were not shining in his face, and his nose and throat weren’t suctioned just because he was simply born. He wasn’t rubbed and rubbed and encouraged to cry. We were in blissful peace when he was born. Nobody checked on us constantly. I was able to take care of my baby with my husband. I fed him when he needed to be fed. Nobody was keeping a schedule of what I was doing with my baby. I was doing what was best for us. I was not following protocols. I was able to bathe Abel when I wanted… or more like did not want. (til the next day) Nobody offered to remove my baby from me for resting. He was never given unnecessary tests. I was able to put my own blanket, my own hat, and my own onesie on my son when I felt like dressing him. Everything was up to me. I was in complete control of my baby and our lives. I wasn’t given drugs to numb the feeling of my baby coming out, I wasn’t given drugs to make the baby come out too quickly. My baby came out sober and alert and Strong as Hell. I COMPLETELY stuck to my birth plan because nobody was encouraging me to do ANYTHING. Even James knew to leave me to my own when things got serious. It was beautiful. It was amazing.

(As a side note, I want you to know that whatever birth plan you choose for yourself, I think is great. Whatever you choose to do with yourself and your family will probably be best for you and yours. When I’m encouraging others to do the same, it’s for those who WANT to have a natural childbirth. I don’t want to try and persuade others to not use drugs in labor. I just want people to know that if this is something that interests them but they’re too scared because what they have seen on TV (screaming, stressed out bitches, FREAKING OUT, cussing out their husbands, squawking for their epidural) that they CAN do it and that it’s not miserable and it’s not torture. It’s very ‘easy’ to accomplish if your environment is correct!! …aka stress free, everyone absolutely supportive of your birth plan, nobody suggests drugs, nobody says things to discourage or worry you, etc.)

P.S. Send me your birth stories, as well! I’d love to read them!

xoxo, love, Mama and Baby James

I burst out into tears daily. I am SO happy. When he smiles, my heart melts. Its such an overwhelming feeling to make a baby with someone you’re so absolutely head over heels in love with and matched so well with. Such a special feeling. I’ve created life with my soul mate, my husband. I am so satisfied with the life that James and I have made for ourselves. I’m seeing a side of James I never have. Never seen a man so in love with his newborn baby. Mine and James’ hearts have doubled in size. Our first day was filled with naps, second day with doctors appts, 3rd day with family and friends.
His umbilical cord fell off on day 4, Brodi tried to eat it like it was beef jerkey on day 3. I’ve lost 20 pounds in 7 days. I love my body! It went back to normal immediately. I have 5 more pounds to lose to be back to my prebaby weight but I like this curvy, buff version of myself! If I have any advice for pregnant people it’s KICK YOUR OWN ASS during your pregnancy. It’s worth it when your body snaps back in a matter of days.
Getting 9 hours of sleep every night, waking up once per boob to feed Baby.
His first 2 baths he screamed and I cried through them. Didn’t even bathe him on the third day because he hated it so much. On our 4th day I gave him another bath and he loved it. Loving nursing. Loving co-sleeping.
Enjoying James being home with us and Camille is the best big sister. Best week of my life. Our family feels so complete. Happy 1 week, Baby!

When I found out that I was pregnant, I said I had a baby boy inside me and that I would give birth on the 28th. It’s the 28th, and I’m either posessed or I’m really in labor. But, Abel, I want to write this in case I don’t have a chance to tell you this before you come out!

Dear my sweet baby in my belly,

Abel, you could be here any day now, I could give birth to you tonight for all I know. It has been the most fulfilling job carrying you inside me for the past 278 days. I have the biggest belly ever right now! I can’t believe October is finally almost here. I’ve been waiting to see you for so long! I remember when I would hold my empty tummy, wishing I could grow a baby inside me. Knowing your name before you were even made, planning out your bedroom before I even knew I would have you for sure. I remember saying aloud “ARE YOU SERIOUS?” when I finally saw the double pink line, one of them so faint I had to squint, blink, and widen my eyes to see. I couldn’t believe it. I knew immediately you were a boy. From the second I saw that second line, I knew I would have a son. I knew Camille would have a little brother, just like I had when I was 4. I am thinking back to the little peanut with limbs I saw on the ultrasound seven months ago and how I loved you so much. I remember feeling you kick at 14 weeks, 5 days gestation. When I told the doctor I felt your little jabs in my tummy she told me I was imagining it or that I just had gas because most mamas that were pregnant for the first time can’t feel their babies til the 20th week. I knew it was you all along. I’ve been so connected with you since the beginning. I felt so complete from the moment I knew you were there, growing in my belly. I remember the doctors telling me you were not okay and that I was going to have a sick baby. I remember being so sad and so sick to my stomach. I was offered a test that could confirm you to be normal. That was my first big mistake with you. The test procedure included a needle that went through my skin, through my muscles that were supposed to protect you and into my uterus that you were living in. I felt my uterus contracting, trying to keep you safe from the needle when it poked through. My heart broke that day as I held Daddy’s and Camille’s hands. I was so sad I went through with a test that went against what my body and heart were telling me to do. I was so afraid of what the doctors were saying that I made a bad decision. I remember I couldn’t even let Daddy touch my tummy for a couple weeks and my little bump went away because I didn’t want anyone or anything bumping into you. I kept my tummy sucked in because I just wanted you to be safe. I waited two weeks to find out if you were okay. I KNEW you were okay, I believed you were my perfect, healthy baby that you always have been. I want you to always stand your ground and do what YOU know is right in your heart. I am so excited to watch you and your sister grow up together. You will love your sister so much. She is four years old right now and talks about how she’s going to help take care of you. She’s excited for you to eat solid foods so she can feed you with a spoon. She’s talks about holding you in the pool so you don’t go under water. She says she going to help hold you on the toilet so you don’t fall in. She wants to give you a bath and lotion you by herself! She loves you so much. She will stretch her arms out and say “I love Abel THIS much!” We ALL love you so much, and we’re all so excited to see you. Your family is waiting for you, Abel<3 If you happen to come tonight or in the morning, Camille will be here the same day! Right after your birth, perfect timing! :) xo

39 WEEKS ALONG

Holy COW, this baby has dropped. His butt is now a good 4”-5” lower than it was last week… Jumped on a trampoline, ran up and down our stairs, climbed the eliptical, jogged the track, hiked up the treadmill on maximum incline, got it on, drank red raspberry leaf tea 3x a day for the last two weeks… Baby is still inside, officially out of summer and into autumn: my favorite season. …My Fall Baby! Contractions like crazy, I can tell I’ll have back labor. I definitely am feeling some pressure but everything is tolerable and it all feels normal to what I expected for my 39th week. I can’t sit down without my back being ON FIRE. I can run, jump, cartwheel, stand on my head, dance and lay down but as soon as I sit… aiiii. A certain muscle in my back knots instantly. I swear, if my yoga studio didn’t close… this problem wouldn’t exist! Only a single week until my due date… Just going to enjoy the last week or weeks of him gently squirming around, warm in my belly.<3

38 WEEKS ALONG

Still no baby, yet! Feeling pretty good with some back achey-ness from mild and comfortable contractions.  Pretty sure my uterus is tightening more often than not. Taking different herbs to prepare for birth.  Getting pretty hippie-ish… Filled my own capsules with different herbal ingredients to help get my body ready for the big day, and it’s causing loads of pressure waves in my uterus; also taking a red raspberry leaf tincture which tastes like VODKA three times a day (barf)… feeling more contractions from that, as well.  Loving hot baths and the hot tub for relief and relaxation; don’t mind intense back rubs, either!  Went on an extra long, nice jog around the track as she rode her bike yesterday morning.  It’d be awesome if Camille was at my birth, but if not… it’ll be such an amazing and intimate experience for James and I.  I’ll be happy either way.  Spent Thursday night timing contractions with James. One every 6 minutes lasting a minute. Nothing serious but the consistency was exciting!
Craving grilled chicken, romaine lettuce and spinach salads with hard boiled egg and avocado everyday… Mmm.  Also addicted to homemade rice krispie treats, so I’ve been making sure there are no ingredients to make them in the house. I have no self control when they’re available… like a FAT PIG, seriously obsessed with them.  Also LOVE crushed ice and cold water allll the time.  Still no stretch marks, but he’s still getting bigger by the minute! :)
Really enjoying staying home and getting my house in perfect order for the arrival.  Haven’t really felt as bored as I thought I would, staying home.  Completely redid our whole bedroom and bathroom thanks to James. Seriously sooo in love with my house. After the kids’ bathroom is done our entire home will be finished! …besides “Abel’s” room, but that’s a different story.  Love homemaking, I feel like I’m finally able to be connected to my home like I used to be when James and I first got together.

Any day now, Baby! Cherishing these last weeks alone with Papa Bear and Camille. My body is going to through some major changes and it feels GREAT! When, oh when, will be the day? :) Love you, Little James!

8 MONTHS ALONG

30 days from my guess month! October 1st is my official ‘due date’ but what does that specific day really have to do with my body or baby?  Still feel pregnant, still enjoying it, not feeling a rush to get him out yet. Very excited for birth itself, though. I feel unafraid and I love the feeling of birth waves so far! Starting to get supplies and things ready for my birth. Picking up the birth pool in 2 or 3 weeks. It’ll be awesome to have my baby, though I’ll miss him inside me.  I’ll miss the look on Camille’s face when he kicks her hands. I’ll miss doing my yoga; just him and me. I’ll miss being the only one to hold him and know him. I’ll miss all the alone time James and I are still able to enjoy.  Not taking any moment for granted.<3
Just had my shower! So thankful for everyone and everything we received. Bawled at my baby shower TWICE. Very hormonal.
No backache, swelling, headaches, heartburn, sleeping problems, or stretch marks. Abel is getting huge and healthy. Only gained 3-5 pounds this last month.
So happy my son will be born in my favorite season! I LOVE Autumn. Halloween is just around the corner. James, Camille, Abel and I will be at the pumpkin patch in no time! I think my life is starting to move in fast forward like old people talk about… I could swear we were just carving pumpkins a minute ago and now its time to do it again. This year has rushed by! It was exactly a year ago that we started trying to make Abel. And now, he could be here any minute.
My birthday is also in ONE week. What the hell!? Where is the time going? Was I really pregnant my whole 21st year of life? Am I crazy? :|
No more room for little kicks, just somersaults, rotations and rib popping nudges. Hiccups like crazy.
Decided against a nursery. James is setting up a glider in our room and a table with supplies for night changes. When he’s old enough for a toddler bed we’ll set up his room; but for now, I feel like it’ll be a waste of space for our family since I want him in my bed with me at night anyway. I doubt the cradle we have set up will even be used, but we’ll see. :) I don’t see any other option besides co-sleeping as realistic, enjoyable, natural, or even possible right now.
Starting to hike once a week on top of my jogs and yoga to really prepare for the endurance work out of my life! Each time I run or hike I can feel him drop lower and lower; and the lower he gets the more he slows me down! Starting to feel my body encouraging me to rest more and 10 hours of sleep every night is perfect for me!
Finished with work. My position in the clinic and as a nanny have both been eliminated and instead of finding another job (which more than likely wouldn’t let me bring Abel, anyway), we have decided to downsize our life which will allow me to stay at home with our babies and give them full attention instead of bringing them to work and being half sidetracked most of the time. I think it was a blessing in disguise. At first I was devastated, but I now realize this is how it should have been planned to be all along!
I should only have one more pregnancy entry after this! Afterward it’ll be about my family’s life, including Abel! But as for now… my baby is welcome in my body for as long as he needs. Even if he is weeks and weeks past his guess date! My body is all his until he chooses. I love my little angel so much, I’ll be so happy when he finally sees my face and I see his for the first time. I waited to become pregnant for what seemed like forever and now I will wait to hold my sweet baby to my chest… even if it seems like forever, again. <3
Overall, pregnancy has been the most magical and amazing experience of my life. I feel like I’ve been more physically comfortable than I have in my life and giving the man I love more than anything a son is the best feeling I have ever had. My family is so important to me. Camille and James have made my life what it is. I have learned unconditional love through my marriage and through mothering Camille for the past 3 years. I could not have asked for a more beautiful life. I feel like James and I have gone through so much our first year of marriage and this last 8 months has made up for all the stress and ridiculousness we were put through, initially. So excited for the next chapter in my family’s life. From the looks of it, this will be a darn great life. I have much to look forward to. :)
Mama loves you, Baby James. We’ll see each other soon. xoxo